I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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