Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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