Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
