Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Never underestimate the power of titties
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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