We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize