He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
