Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I did not marry a roomba.
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