It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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