i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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