i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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