Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
