she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
