just tell him i said nine months
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
