i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
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i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just blew my weed a kiss
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
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We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize