I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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