Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
