is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
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We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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