i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How does it feel to date your dad?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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