i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
