I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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