I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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