the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
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The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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