When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
