and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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