Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
