I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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