I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize