I just pynch a tree in the face
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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