Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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