Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
