Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
