Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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