i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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