And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
