He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
