So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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