i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
