You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
