just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
