Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
