take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
