My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
