I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
