would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
