oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
