Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Are my feet made of real feet?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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