Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I got inside last night via doggy door
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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