He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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