The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just pee around me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
