Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
