Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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