she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
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it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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