I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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