booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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