NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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