Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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