we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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