Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
