I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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