I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
