Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
