I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
