you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
