In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
