I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
