I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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