When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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