Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
