So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
