Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
